What to Do When You're Crushing Under Expectations
The weight of expectations, both from others and ourselves, can feel paralyzing. But the solution isn't to retreat into silence; it's to start untangling the thoughts that hold you down.
Pressure is a strange thing. It can be a motivator. It can push you to do things you didn't think you were capable of. But when it builds up, it stops being a force that pushes you forward and becomes a weight that holds you down. You feel stuck. Paralyzed even.
This is especially true when the expectations are not just your own. You carry the hopes of your parents, the standards of your teachers, and the perceived successes of your peers. It feels like a stack of books piled on your chest. You can't breathe properly, let alone get up and walk.
The Logic of Isolation
When this weight becomes too much, the common impulse is to withdraw. You think, 'I can't show anyone I'm struggling. I'll be a burden. My negativity will just pull them down too.' This logic seems sound. It seems considerate. But it's a trap.
Isolation doesn't lessen the weight. It concentrates it. When you are alone with your thoughts, the problems seem larger, more complex, and more permanent than they actually are. Your mind becomes an echo chamber for doubt. A small worry about an upcoming exam can morph into a conviction that you are a complete failure.
The flaw in the logic of isolation is that it assumes your thoughts are a finished product. It treats them like a toxic substance that must be contained. But thoughts aren't like that. They are raw material. They are messy, contradictory, and often wrong. The process of sharing them is how you shape them into something useful.
Untangling the Wires
The feeling of being overwhelmed is often a symptom of entanglement. Different fears and expectations are knotted together so tightly that you can't tell them apart. Is the pressure from your parents' desire for you to succeed, or is it from your own fear of mediocrity? Is the doubt from a difficult class, or is it a deeper feeling that you don't belong?
It is almost impossible to untangle these threads inside your own head. You need to get them out. You need to lay them on the table and look at them one by one. This is where speaking comes in. The act of translating a feeling into words forces a kind of order onto the chaos.
The moment you begin to speak about a problem, you change your relationship with it. It ceases to be an all powerful force inside you and becomes an object outside of you. An object you can examine, question, and ultimately, do something about.
Speaking Without an Audience
But what if you still feel you cannot talk to another person? The fear of being a burden is real. So start with a different approach. Talk to yourself. I don't mean muttering to yourself as you walk down the street. I mean deliberately setting aside time to articulate your thoughts out loud.
Find a private space and just start talking. Describe the pressure. Give it a name. Explain where you think it's coming from. You will find that the act of speaking is a powerful tool for clarification. You will hear the flaws in your own logic. You will hear a specific, manageable problem hidden inside a giant, vague feeling of dread.
This process is not about finding answers immediately. It is about formulating the right questions. Instead of being crushed under a singular weight called 'pressure', you start to identify the component parts. A fear of disappointing your professor. An anxiety about a specific assignment. A jealousy of a friend's progress. These are things you can work with.
Your First Step
You don't need a grand plan to escape the weight of expectations. You just need a first step. And the smallest, most effective first step is to articulate what you are feeling. To put the jumbled mess of thoughts and emotions into spoken words.
When you hear yourself say it, you will realize it's not as big as it feels. The weight is still there, but you've stopped it from growing. You have established a boundary between you and the problem. That is the beginning of getting unstuck. That is how you start to push the weight off and stand up again.
Try articulating one of the expectations weighing on you using the prompt below.